I never dated my husband. Like 90 per cent of the Indian youngsters, I (and my husband) gave in to the easy way of parents setting up a mutual meeting followed by a convenient marriage. Getting married was an easy task. It was all made to look natural (felt natural too) and everybody play-acted their parts to the hilt. I played the coy bride and my hubby played the cool groom.

Today, after 14 months of marriage I am beginning to realise that my husband is a tough nut to crack. During the courtship period, if you may allow me to call the 7 month period we had after agreeing to an arranged marriage, I had him tagged as a mild-natured i-banker who probably had his career blueprint in his mind. Well, so I believed.

It took me 10 months to come face to face to the fact that the in-house i-banker was not only mild-natured but also did not believe in talking. He wasn’t really minting money and had no clue of where his career would take him economy like like.

It took me 11 months to realise that my husband was not the average storybook hero who could handle everything on his own. He was not even distantly romantic and gave explanations that were beyond my logic.

This is how he comforts me when I am feeling low about my physical self. “In economic terms, we both are depreciating assets,” the i-banker in him reasons, adding more fuel to my woes, “Let me explain, you’re 26 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5-7 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest so you can stay happy for another 7 years!”

After good 14 months, I have concluded that my husband is a very cut and dried human being and has his own set of quirks. But my marriage has also unlocked a few new secret for me. I now know for sure that your man doesn’t have to be your best friend.
(That’s why you’ve had a best girlfriend all along, right?)

Next, it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t dance.(Common interests are less important than shared values.)

In arranged marriages, you will open your eyes to what makes a guy perfect for you…and then the marriage will help you find him, date him, and keep falling in love with him forever.Similar Posts:

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We have seen in the first post that the constitution mandates a unified civil code and then that the courts have always asked the government to step up and fulfill the constitutional mandate.  During the discussions,  and also in the national political discourse, we can sense a shade of religion coming into the discussion. This communal overtone in the debates lead us to the next question: whether a uniform civil code would affect only one community alone. Let me explain how the truth could not have been farther from this notion.

There is a widespread perception among minority communities as well as among moderate Hindus that a uniform civil code would only change the Muslim personal laws. But, the truth is that when we rewrite these codes to come up with a modern, secular, progressive and equal code, it would affect the personal laws of all the communities as they exist today.

One aspect that all these personal codes have in common is that they are all gender biased, not just the Muslim personal law. The law governing the succession among Hindus is also unequal in the way it treats men and women. Even the Supreme Court has come out many times in pointing out this discrimination, especially about ‘Hindu Undivided Family’ system like the case of CIT vs Veerappa Chettiar, 76 ITR 467 (SC) when female members are also given the right of share to the property in the HUF. Similarly there will be changes in the personal laws of Muslim and Christian communities too.

This is evident that this true reform is being resisted by the forces of status quo of all the communities regardless of the religion. As a modern secular country, India simply cannot afford to have these divisive sets of laws especially when the inter-religious marriages are becoming increasingly common and the current laws put them in a twilight zone. For example, the Indian Christian Marriage Act of 1872 makes no mention about the inter-religious marriage. However, Indian Divorce (Amendment) Act passed in 2001 prohibits the conduct of a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian in a church.

This is exactly what is wrong with the current system. An ideal unified civil code would allow a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian from a legal perspective while leaving the decision whether to conduct it in a church or not should be left to the individuals and the church involved. So, the basic point in a uniform civil code would be to consider all the citizens of India as equal from a legal point of view while leaving the customary and ceremonial decisions to that particular community, whether it is a Christian, Muslim or Hindu community.

This answers the question that my friend asked about whether a Muslim custom of remarriage would be legal or not. The ideal law would make it legal from a registrar’s point of view, while leaving the decision to the authorities at the Muslim community to decide whether they should allow it in front of their beliefs.

Thus it is clear that a modern, secular, progressive and equal civil code would not affect only one community. However, it will change the society in a way that transforms the discrimination and exploitation that is happening now. Since this would change the status-quo of all communities, we should expect opposition from all of them when such a code is implemented. We should all work together, Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Parsees and all other communities to come together and form a code that is acceptable to all the communities. We are Indians, we have a rich heritage of coming together for the common good, and we can do it. Can we afford not to?

Sources:

1. CIT vs Veerappa Chettiar, 76 ITR 467 (SC)

2. Indian Christian Marriage Act – 1872

3. Indian Divorce (Amendment) Act – 2001

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