PART 2

For those of you who want to read Part 1 – Click here.

Moving on… what is marriage for both the genders? Well girls and boys define marriage two worlds apart. For boys it is just two people coming together to live their life together but for the girl this is change of world – everything becomes new for the girl – new brothers and sisters, new parents, new place … everything new… but for the boy it is just another person to nag him and share his life with. This actually makes it tough on the girl; she has to “Adjust” into the new world.Role-deifnition

Why do we need marriages? Well here they both seem to agree – it makes sure each person is committed to the other and defines his and her responsibility and roll in the relationship. One person even went as far as saying that children brought up in a family environment have a better chance in this world than children with single parents – which is quite true. The little string that ties you into the relationship actually helps a lot in defining the person’s responsibility in the relationship –which is very important in any relationship – the role definition. What part do you play? The breadwinner, the home-maker? Without a clear definition of this role’s the relationship is heading for a disaster. In the Indian context these roles were defined by the society and is still to a large extend. The girl being the home maker and boy being the breadwinner.

Another justification I got for marriage was the girl’s dependence on men their whole life. When they are kids the girls are dependent on their fathers, then when they are in their teens, their brothers, when they get married – they are again handed over to another man, and finally in their old age, it is her own children/boys who take care of her. I never really thought of it that way – but yes one thing that parents do look in is the safety and protection of their girl child and I do think that girls also come into the relationship seeking some amount of protection and safety.

Society seems to be the pain in the ass for both the girls and boys. Unfortunately this is a pain that we have to live with. Interference from the society is quite high… from the day a baby is born to the day of his death – the society seems to be interested in everything and also in making decisions for you. Like I pointed out earlier as long as we are more concerned about what “THEY THINK” this is never going to change.

Dowry is another big factor that decides marriages in India. What is dowry? Well there are many definitions … it is the girl’s share of the family wealth… it is the money given by the girl’s parents to use in hard times … or it is just plain money the girl’s family pay to get rid of her… Whichever way you describe it, it does not sound good to me. In Africa you will find that it is the other way around … the boy has to pay the girl’s family as he is taking away one of their resource. My opinion on this subject is very straightforward … money and business should not be brought into the marriage. When asked about dowry …  one lady responded by asking “Is educating a girl not a good enough investment now a days?” With our society labeling the women as the “weaker sex” most of the time the women think that without dowry – she might not get the respect and acceptance from her in-laws.

Customs and traditions. I am not a great fan of customs or traditions. But most of the people I asked around look at these customs and traditions to identify themselves. It is in one way fun to be part of some tradition – but it is high time we looked back and forward and try and define ourselves in our own unique way. Customs, traditions and religion has a lot of good things … they also come bundled with the dark side. We need to review these bright and dark sides with our own circumstances before adopting and adapting them. This blind faith of keeping up with the customs, traditions and culture will bring a lot of hardship to the families.

Part 3 coming soon – till then leave your comments here:

Click here for Part3.