The latest news says Kavya Madhavans married life is on the verge of divorce. Kavya Madhavan and Nishal Chandra had got married at Kollur Mookambika on 5th February 2009. Kavyas family filed the petition for divorce. Her father says it will take about an year for the official divorce. (Said to deepika.) Her father confirms that Nishal Chandra was mentally distressing her from the start of the relation to continue with her movie career. Kavya says his family wants her money more than her, and she claims that Nishal once forced her to transfer her bank funds to his account.
Why do relations break often? Why does the divorce rate increase day by day? Is it because of cultural invasion? or is it because of the diminution of relational values due to cultural mutation?
Many people around the globe have plight with understanding what love is. What is love actually? It’s not just an engulfing due to physical attraction. This is why love at first sight always ends up in repugnance. Emotional attraction can only be defined when there is trust. It’s like how a small baby trusts his mother. It’s the togetherness that holds a person in love even if he tries a fierce attempt to escape. It’s the inexpressible strong emotional bond that holds people, which neither has fringes nor geographical limitations.
Ancient civilisations like Harappa and Mesopotamia also had trouble with relational bindings during the times of their greatest prosperity. In olden Rome cultural mutations caused increased divorce rates. They used to say “I brought that house when so and so was my husband/wife”. They say generations learn from history. But the fact is that they don’t. They cycle the cultural mutation.
They say Indians are adopting western culture that the western countries are repudiating. Cultural invasion is definitely happening and it can be seen that it is cultural mutation that caused relational aggression in ancient civilisations. If you look back, having even an asexual relation before marriage wasn’t acceptable for Indians. Now people have transformed and are accepting any kind of relationships before marriage. We are not far away for a generation who treats sexual relationship before marriage casually. It will be said that it is getting into our culture like cancer from western culture. But the true reason is cultural mutation.
As culture migrates through its cycle, many renowned people always try telling everyone to look back and see how history was. But majority of them do not turn back. Even people who glance back move on pretending that they don’t understand entirely.
This ends up in counsellors giving up with their advices.
And people throw away relationships expecting a better one to turn up!
But……………………
“No matter how difficult things are, giving up isn’t the answer!!! “
Marriage is based on trust and happiness. And if this doesn’t exist in a relationship what’s the point in wasting your life for someone else’s happiness….say for your parents or so called family…Either spouse can try to adapt to the situation and adjusting to the new life is helpful but again it’s not a one way relationship….It has to come from the heart to love and be happy…If not get out of the situation….At least don’t wait for a child to be a witness to the unhappy marriage…!! Marriage is a commitment and not a joke.
Whether MAN or Woman life is precious and don’t abuse it.
Comment by jo — July 25, 2009 @ 7:56 pm
There is nothing like a cultural invasion. Culture is a state of a society and it changes during the course of time. An effect of cultural change can be multidimensional and where the cause can be interior or exterior. Divorce is legal provision provided by the Govt. Can we call it as Foreign cultural invasion? It is interior. Precisely, an interior cause with a foreign influence.
Decades back our women were forced to marry at a very young age. There were clutches in society which disallowed freedom to decide. In this perspective divorce can be considered as a cultural reform where a women can use her freedom to choose and divorce. The cause for divorce is not the cultural impact, but the social system of marriage which binds man and women without allowing them in knowing each other.
You are comparing marriage/divorce as a social system with a quite psychological,philosophical term of love. They are not related.
And, could you please provide references for Mesopotamian and Harappan mentioning.
Comment by Tony Jose — July 26, 2009 @ 11:12 am
I have to say at least this much. Even a generation ago, there were thousands of women in Kerala and India who endured insufferable husbands throughout their lives through abuse and cruelty. During those times, there was no option for them to come out of it as the society shunned divorce (which it still does to some extend) and women were not empowered.
At least now what happens is that women is getting more and more empowered and they do not have to stand any bullshit from anyone. If a husband cannot treat someone with the basic decency and love, there is no point of wasting someone’s life with that guy just because the so called ‘family values’ would not let you get a divorce. Those are not family values, those are inhuman values.
Also, I’d like to add that the same could be true for men too, to suffer cruel/abuse from their wives. (May not be physical, but extreme mental torture is not very uncommon).
Comment by Domestic Avalanche — July 27, 2009 @ 6:55 am
The love as you said which will come from the heart can be seen only on the first days of marriage. Every successful married couples will have a story how they manage to adapt with their spouse.
So better not to wait for that happiest moments to come over else try to adapt knowing that you are never too late.
Comment by Avant-Garde — July 29, 2009 @ 12:39 pm
This is why we need to follow the west. Instead of simply going for arranged marriages people need to know each other before gettin hitched. Gettin to know each other would involve first being friends,then being frank while talkin to each other ..informin each other about their views and preferences . Thats where datin comes in. Atleast in the west there is no dowry and people dont harass their parents and in laws for money.
Comment by Rejith — September 15, 2009 @ 12:34 pm
Money is not only life. Such problems like husbands asking for money are existing in 96% of people.Only very few doesnt wants their wife’s money.So many torchures will be there,but for money reason MARRIAGE LIFE Shouldnt break.We have to either give up or fight or compromise him.Before Marriage,we shoud think 100 times, after marriage We should fight for 1 lakh times.
Good day to all.
Comment by Jyothi — August 13, 2010 @ 2:49 pm
@ Renjith: i do agree your point that we must get to know about each other. But living together before marriage is a kinda impossible in india except for the metros. so even if they have a conversation for like a month or an year, i dont think with that you wont be able to identify those problems which may lead to divorce.
Comment by Avant-Garde — September 7, 2010 @ 5:35 pm
@ Jyothy: the dowry thing usually arises when the financial crisis comes in during the life span. some people ask for more dowry, where as some people lend some money from the wife’s parents telling they will return. there are people who return that money too. but when people be in a situation where they see a complete zero infront of them or while thinking about earning the mind goes blank. people search for easy money, one of a safer solution over here is dowry with two advantage. he can get the money or else getrid of wife as blackmailing.
The financial crisis happens 70% because of the ilitaracy about money managment. so i guess a proper eductation on money management might help in that case. but when they learn money management there is a possiblity of asking for more dowry knowing that it is a free asset to work on with.
Fights will happen in the married life and what all matters is how you deal with it. 80% of the fights are caused by missunderstanding. i guess people should spend atleast some time discussing even after the marriage to get to know each other accepting the good and bad!!
Comment by Avant-Garde — September 7, 2010 @ 5:45 pm